We're never going to have to feel this way again. EVER.

**Note to all that read this. Please don't tell my boss.  I have yet to inform the office or anyone there, especially the boss man.

5 Years and 7 Miscarriages ago we starting this arduous journey. There has been much crying, hysteria, obsessing, anger, physical pain, emotional pain that literally breaks my heart, frustration, assuming, aching, yelling. . .

Mainly by me. 

We have seen too many pregnancy tests, blood drawings, hormonal drugs, doctors and more doctors.  We have been through the routine so many times that I could tell you exactly what a doctor would do and say...always ending with sad results.  I have been pregnant multiple more times than many of you reading this.

It isn't fun.

My poor husband. 

There were times I was worried for him, mainly because, I don't know how he could deal with his maniac wife. He is really rock solid.  It's a pretty good thing I married him.  

I can't think of anyone on this earth stronger than him.

We've tried the hormonal drugs, we've tried the natural, we've looked into Foster Care, we've looked into adoption, I'm pretty sure there isn't an option I haven't read or tried to do. I've also considered stealing children, but I have read the Face on the Milkbox too many times.

I have never yearned for something so bad in my entire life.

I think God realized that I truly had given up.  It's been a really long time.  Derek promised that this would be the last doctor. We went to the U for the infertility specialists.  After more tests and more exams, they still didn't have any answers or unique questions for that matter.  Come to find out, we didn't need them in the end. 

See this?

 

This is inside of my body.  I don't have to buy a baby after all, although I still might... According to the last doctor, it's a spontaneous conception.  Meaning, we conceived in the normal way.  We weren't on any medication, shots, steroids or magic pills.  Which never happens at an infertility clinic. Who knows why it worked this time.

It makes it all worth it.

p.s.  Although, I would prefer not to have to repeat everything before this, but time will only tell.

p.s.s. this was written a while ago.  Today i believe I'm somewhere around 15 weeks.