"ugly" christmas tree

i was just reading my friend erin's post about her "crappy christmas decorations"

she has four kids and is in despair about her christmas tree. 

she let her kids decorate it

usually, i would just laugh about these kind of things

(no offense erin)

but life has changed (obviously)

i had no idea how drastically though. 

i believe there are two kinds of trees in the world...well maybe three.

1 - pretty trees - you know, the trees that look like they were purchased right from the fancy stores or found on pinterest

2 - charlie brown trees. if you don't know what this is. . . 

shame on you.

3 - ugly trees.  yes, my kind of tree. i have a short poem i wrote last year about it.  i'm not normally the poetic type, but this is the real deal.  plus i made a treasury on etsy about it as well. 

i have what some might call an ugly Christmas tree.

my tree has hundreds of memories.

each ornament has a story you see.

so come, join the challenge of the 

ugly Christmas tree.

the other day i went to my first "play date"

one of the mom's was lamenting about all her smashed ornaments.

(gasp)

smashed ornaments?!?!

apparently, i didn't realize how passionate i was about my ornaments. i don't really care about the placement or anything on the actual tree

but smashing them!?!

if you had read my poem (and deeply contemplated the meaning) you'll understand that each ornament contains a memory.  instead of buying souvenirs, i purchase an ornament on every trip.

i actually stopped and just stared at this mom.

i had never considered that my little raptor would become a godzilla a destroy my memories.

goodness, now i feel the need to run upstairs and take photos of all my favorite ornaments!  now i'm going to have to post about it too.  luckily, i still have one more year before she unleashes terror on my ugly christmas tree.

its kind of a gross picture

this was within the first week we brought her home

notice how she still has arms and a single chin

but after eating, she became a bobble head and then slapped her arm across my belly.

completely drunk with mama's milk

i just couldn't help it.

welcome to the club

i feel like she is planning something here...which apparently she was, just biding her time, for just the right moment.

like taking a nap with her dad.  

apparently, baby does not like chinese food. 

(from Golden Jade on Harrison...i am a chinese food snob people.  it was pretty dang good.)

she puked out her entire guts

i was just commenting how excited i was to finally have one of those cute dad's-napping-with-the-baby-picture, then suddenly "help, puking everywhere!" (don't worry, it was in the husband's ever monotone voice, i added the "!")

husband continues lamenting while i'm laughing 

"i'm trying to save your couch!"

well apparently the puke an down both armpits and luckily he had a burp cloth on.

welcome to the club husband.

oh, and yes, that is Aiko's onesie hanging on the faucet...seems like there is ALWAYS something of hers drying somewhere in the house.  if it isn't one end it's the other

which animal is favorite

me: what is your favorite animal?
me: this is a very important question.
The husband: what is this for?
me: doesn't matter.
me: i just want to know what your favorite animal is.
The husband: so you aren't going to buy something with this animal on it?
me: no, i am going to buy and animal in the shape that you like for our child.
The husband: Well, I like Scarlet Macaws
me: (in my mind i'm thinking...who the devil says Scarlet Macaws are their favorite animal?  but instead i reply with) are you being sarcastic?
The husband: no
The husband: but I don't think I would buy anything shaped like one
me: any other kind of animal?
The husband: I like snow leopards
The husband: and I like Galapagos tortoises
me:  (i'http://www.etsy.com/listing/96529811/monster-high-custom-snow-leopard-with?ref=sr_gallery_2&ga_search_query=snow+leopard+toy&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=handmade
 (I have been searching Etsy for a handmade stuff toy and when i searched for snow leopard, very few results popped up.)

The husband: what the heck...
me: apparently, you pick the most exotic animals to like...there aren't many of any of those animals.
The husband: tigers are cool.
The husband: and i guess i like elephants too
The husband: and buffalo
The husband: and moose

so, in the end, i haven't found the right toy yet, maybe if the husband didn't love such exotic animals i could find one.

but it is oh so cute still.

Or maybe, just maybe...
they are extinct.

HA!

oh, and my favorite animal?
a donkey. 
for reals...so i guess i can't make too much fun.
see blog (yes i blogged about it) 
called i <3 asses

diaper three wheeler

 

 made this for heather and ryan's baby shower!  i'd have to say that for some reason, i found this one much easier than the diaper cakes.  either that, or i just barely figured out how to finally "roll" the diapers.

picture pinned from here.

twenty three weeks

Announcement

 

slight explanation to come soon. 

please pray for us.

Inner War

Sometimes, I struggle, I always have, and still do, with the idea of being a stay at home mom or even a mom for that matter .  Some mom's have to work, which makes sense, some choose too, and some stay home.  I've finally gotten a job position that I really like and was made for in a sense.  Which of course, happens about the same time I get pregnant.   It's just funny how life works out sometimes.  I came across this article  today on Yahoo!   This woman looses here job due to the economy and starts staying home with her kids and realizing how life fulfilling it is.

Recently, I decided along with Derek, that I really would be a stay at home mom and be very happy with it.  I have tell myself everyday out loud and to the little babe as well, that I will take good care of her.  (I think it's a her.) Maybe that's partly why it took so long for her to get here...she was probably worried because I have had this inner war all my life.  So here's to you baby, I will try my very best to be a good mama.

Written when I was around 11 weeks?

We're never going to have to feel this way again. EVER.

**Note to all that read this. Please don't tell my boss.  I have yet to inform the office or anyone there, especially the boss man.

5 Years and 7 Miscarriages ago we starting this arduous journey. There has been much crying, hysteria, obsessing, anger, physical pain, emotional pain that literally breaks my heart, frustration, assuming, aching, yelling. . .

Mainly by me. 

We have seen too many pregnancy tests, blood drawings, hormonal drugs, doctors and more doctors.  We have been through the routine so many times that I could tell you exactly what a doctor would do and say...always ending with sad results.  I have been pregnant multiple more times than many of you reading this.

It isn't fun.

My poor husband. 

There were times I was worried for him, mainly because, I don't know how he could deal with his maniac wife. He is really rock solid.  It's a pretty good thing I married him.  

I can't think of anyone on this earth stronger than him.

We've tried the hormonal drugs, we've tried the natural, we've looked into Foster Care, we've looked into adoption, I'm pretty sure there isn't an option I haven't read or tried to do. I've also considered stealing children, but I have read the Face on the Milkbox too many times.

I have never yearned for something so bad in my entire life.

I think God realized that I truly had given up.  It's been a really long time.  Derek promised that this would be the last doctor. We went to the U for the infertility specialists.  After more tests and more exams, they still didn't have any answers or unique questions for that matter.  Come to find out, we didn't need them in the end. 

See this?

 

This is inside of my body.  I don't have to buy a baby after all, although I still might... According to the last doctor, it's a spontaneous conception.  Meaning, we conceived in the normal way.  We weren't on any medication, shots, steroids or magic pills.  Which never happens at an infertility clinic. Who knows why it worked this time.

It makes it all worth it.

p.s.  Although, I would prefer not to have to repeat everything before this, but time will only tell.

p.s.s. this was written a while ago.  Today i believe I'm somewhere around 15 weeks.